"There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief." - Aeschylus
Our treasured old horses Andy and Belle were laid to rest on January 25, at 28 and 29 years old. I cannot thank our veterinarian Dr. Tony Ruyter enough for answering the call so quickly when it was clear that Andy was in terrible pain from an acute colic. My decision to let them go together had been made in order to spare them from the slow decline of aging alone, standing withdrawn and separate from the much younger herd. The reality of the day is still a shock, and I feel the sticky black tar of depression trying to cling to my body, even though I am grateful that my dear friends were not uncomfortable for long.
They helped me advance my career as an equestrian. Andy made me look good in my coaching evaluation and exam, and achieved the scores I needed at Third Level dressage in order to become a judge. He suffered my ego with all the travelling and it comforts me that I had many years to see him in retirement, under no pressure. Belle came to me in rough shape at 18 years old and when it was clear that ring work stressed her out for whatever reason, she always tried her best and was excellent with my students, never anything but polite and gentle, and a wonderful horse to trail ride with. I have many happy memories of teaching with her on the longe line, and of riding alongside her in the sunshine.
I had Andy for 21 years....from before I had anything else, and he became one of my oldest friends. I had Belle for 11 years. I remember the first time I met each of them, and in both cases it seemed like the only way forward was for us to be together. I put my hands on Belle in those last moments and felt her calming spell enter me. I thought "What will I do without you?", and a voice answered "You will do it yourself. Now, you know how."
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